Jealousy Breeds Fun

Tonight, I realized that I've had ENOUGH. Enough of watching everyone around me have all the fun, and me just sitting here at home, boaring the brains out of myself. So, I Googled "Fun things to do in Walla Walla" and, after a bit of scrolling, came up with Washington State's Tourism Page, which eventually referred me to WallaWalla.Org.

Now, I'm allergic to milk, I don't use alcoholic beverages, I'm not in the greatest shape and have related health issues, and don't have a lot of money (any, really). So, that complicates things a bit. But surely, there must be SOMETHING I can find around here that appeals to me, right? I already know there are art galleries here (I've been to them already), and that I enjoy a good stroll down Main Street (once in a great while). But surely, positively, there MUST be something that will be my personal "cup of tea"! So, I'm making a list here of everything I can dig up around here that at least remotely appeals to me, and I intend to try stuff out and see if I like anything. Hey, it's better than sitting home all day! Yeah, I get stuff done here too, but seriousely, God and I need to take a break and go ENJOY life! So, here's my list (based on links and info from both sites):

Resteraunts

26brix
Backstage Bistro
Bangkok 103 Cafe (Thai food, the owner = verey friendly, the food = spicey.)
Cafe Carousel
China Buffet (I've already been here - it's fun to take mom here)
Clarette’s
Coffee Connection Cafe
Coffee Perk
CreekTown Cafe
Downtown Juice & Bagel Bar
Golden Horse (Their food's ok, but a tad greasy for my taste.)
Grapefields Wine Bar and Café
Hua's Mongolian Grill LLC (I've been here and generally like it.)
Ice Burg Drive-In
Jana's at the Port
John’s Wheatland Bakery
La Casita Family Resaurant
Lorenzo’s
Merchants LTD (Love the subs.)
Modern Restaurant
Pacific Express
Pastime Cafe
Rosita's
Stone Hut Bar & Grill
Stone Soup Cafe (Never been, but I've heard they have garden burgers.)
Sub Shop #1
The Marc Restaurant (I'll go here if you'll sponsor my expensive meal!)
Ti Kalli
Tony's Sub Shop
Verve
Whitehouse-Crawford Restaurant

Performing Arts

Music (Tourism Walla Walla)

Music : Blue Mountain Chorus

Music : Summer Sounds Concert Series (DWWF)

Music : Walla Walla Symphony

Music, Theatre (Walla Walla Valley Chamber of Commerce)

Theatre : Harper Joy Theatre, Whitman College

Theatre : Little Theatre of Walla Walla

Theatre : Walla Walla College Drama

Theatre : Walla Walla Community College Drama
Public Art
Performing Arts
Museums
Antiques

Art Galleries

Galleries

Art Galleries : Fine Art, Sculpture, Paintings, Metal (WW Chamber)

Art Galleries and Museums (Tourism Walla Walla)

Museum : Fort Walla Walla Museum

Museum : The Kirkman House Museum

Museum : Whitman Mission (National Historic Site)

Public Art (Blue Mountain Arts Alliance)

Public Art (Tourism Walla Walla)

Agriculture

Fall Festival
Our Farms
Farmer's Market
Sweet Onions

Farmers Market Info and Music Schedule (DWWF)

Farmers Market, Summer Sounds Concert Series (DWWF)

Farmers Market: Location and Information (Tourism Walla Walla)

Bird Watching (mom likes to do this, as well as star gazing, which is EXELLENT here in WW.)

Bird Sightings List (Blue Mountain Audobon Society)

Exotic Birds : Aviary at Pioneer Park (City of Walla Walla)

Types of Birds, Areas to see Birds (Walla Walla Valley Chamber of Commerce)

Types of Birds, Times of Year to see Birds, Checklist, Information (TourismWalla Walla)

Heh - I now have ZERO excuse for being jealous of everyone else in my life who goes out and has a good time. Hmm... I just have to remember to bring my trusty camera, and perhaps some of you, with me ;) I know, I'll have to wait until the end of summer for most of you to come back. And some of these take money that even I don't have, and I know you don't have either, so we can scratch some of them off the list, but let's worry about that later. I hope to be working soon anyway, and though I need to save most of that money for moving out, and some of it also for paying Sharif, I think at least $20/month OUGHT to be spent on just good old fashioned tourism! That's a bit hefty, but so are local prices for having a good time. I can't help that.

Next to Cleanliness is Still Filthy

Normally, I LOVE to be organized, clean, sanitary, etc. Honestly. Ask Erik and April - they'll tell you I have a HUGE problem with the idea of running around the house bare-foot. Why? Around here, you do that and your likely to wind up with planter's wart on your soles. I've been there, done that. I love socks and slippers. They are my friends. If I'm preparing food, and some dry piece of celery lands on the newly washed kitchen floor, I don't care how many times you wash it or how little time it spent on the floor - it's NASTY! To me, anyway. When I was at WWC, my backpack and notebook were nearly always impecably organized (that was my real secret to getting good grades there, along with never sleeping and eating crappy cafe food). So, you would think that I'd have a neat-freak feddishness about me, right? Um, this is my bedroom. It's a granny unit stuck way at the back of my parents' house. This is what it normally looks like...

View the Gallery

While it's true that I HAVE done some cleaning lately, I still have a long, LONG way to go...

View the Gallery

God's Will

This post has been moved to Spiritual Journey.

What Love Means to Me

Regardless of what kind of Love one may experience in this life time, Love IS. It's just plain Love. It doesn't have to be this or that kind in order to be real and genuine. And it doesn't have to make people perfect toward each other to be real either.

I used to think that if someone Loved me, they'd never do anything that would hurt me. Why? Because they would think of me first. And of course, if I Loved someone, I'd never hurt them, because I'd always think of them first. That isn't how it works. Why did I think that? Well, that was my first introduction to the word "Love" in Sabbath School (darn, you SS!). "The Kingdom of Heaven is here" and "In Heaven, we'll all Love each other perfectly and never hurt each other." Well, both statements on their own are true, but when put together, they give a person a totally false view of what Love on earth, in this lifetime, is supposed to be like.

I also used to think that people are born evil and without God in their lives, because I was taught this in church. (Don't start me, just don't...) No. People are born good. It's just the other people in their lives who were here a few years before them who really screw them up. In some ways, I knew that people are born good, yet when someone didn't treat me right, I assumed that somehow, they had turned evil, or that perhaps some people are born good and others evil (this was not theology, it was outward observation).

There is a high price to Love - one's pride. One has to learn to look at where another person is coming from and yet realize that the other person may not actually be able to see where they are coming from. And one has to learn to forgive themselves and admit it when they've failed in this area. And one has to realize that they will never understand the other person perfectly either.

Love is about value, not about only Forgiveness. Yes, Forgiveness is part of Love, but it's not the whole of Love! Enjoying another person as they are, in their good and bad tempers, is also a part of Love. And allowing yourself to be seen in your best and worst moments by that person, knowing that it's safe to do so, is also part of Love. Taking care of them and their hearts, is yet another part of Love.

I now believe that the Fruits of the Spirit are also the Fruits of Love. Those fruits are NOT the goal! They are an outgrowth of reaching that goal: Love. When you Love someone, those Fruits come naturally. So why do people struggle to Love? Love is far from easy even to understand, much less to have, if one is depending on their own power to have that Love. So the Power comes from God, and yet... One has to choose Love! A person can choose to be selfish as their dear friend is crying, or they can choose to walk over and hug them, hold them, and tell them everything's going to be alright. Does that mean people are evil if they don't choose to Love? No. Evil means the abscence of God, from what I've recently learned. People aren't inherantly evil. The devil is evil. He may have to have God's permission for everything he does, but he has ultimately chosen to not have God in his life at all, and God has respected that. Anyway, Loving people do make mistakes. They do hurt each other. They have major misunderstandings. They don't always listen to each other or see each other's sides. But if they Love each other, they will push through, stick with each other, and not allow themselves to intentionally hurt each other.

Loving people value each other, but they don't ultimately find their value in each other. They allow each other to be who they really are, and also go out of their way to put each other first, even when they've been hurt by each other.

All I ever wanted was to be Loved. Valued. Appreciated. I don't think that's a crime. I think that's what we all want. God offers it, and every once in awhile, so does an awsome friend. There is no such thing as a perfect person, but when we Love each other, we don't expect perfection out of each other. We might get hurt by each other, but then we forgive, instead of allowing pride, and the need to be at the top of Mt. Right, to get in the way.

Oh, and by the way... What does Love FEEL Like?

Shocking
Astounding
Silent
Complete
Real
Proven
Profound
True

Genuine Love

Goodbye to the dark
And all it's woes,
that toss the heart
Too and fro

Hello to the day
Light upon light
That heals our hearts
And makes all right.

- Me

The Little Girl Within

I won't explain publically what led to my need to remember who I was as a kid. But I want to post here why it's so important to me to remember that little girl. God gave me a picture of my heart, by showing her to me, early this morning or late last night, and telling me "Caroline, take care of this kid, and let her take care of you." He told me a few other things through my "hearing" what she had to say, and in all honesty, in my head, she's become kind of like a 3-D comic-strip charictor, who I've dubbed "Diva QT.

I keep remembering what I looked like when I looked in the mirror one Sabbath morning when I was about 5. I was wearing a yellow dress, brushing my hair with mom's big brush, looking just barely over the top of my parents' dresser that had a mirror standing on the back (they still have it to this day). I smiled at myself and thought "Wow." I really WAS cute ;D At that age, I had already learned that my parents didn't really like me as I was, and I had learned to be honest with them about it - yet it always came with a price, but I didn't care if they did beat me for it, take away supper, etc. I was honest. Always. And I LOVED myself for it. Right then, in that moment, I was the epitomy of me. I was truly that "little ray of sunshine" that a much older Caroline (in her 60s) at my church had called me not long before that. I knew I was special, at least to someone out there, and I knew I was special to me.

This was before I had ever really done anything wrong. This was before non-family members had really done much wrong to me (though I was abused one Sabbath morning by a "helper" in my Kindergarden class, but that wasn't an ongoing thing, though after that, the fear of her was ongoing). It was one thing to be treated wrong by my own family - somehow, I actually excused that away in my head, and figured that all parents must be like that to their kids. I just assumed that all parents were jerks. But I also assumed that other kids were probably like me - sweet, innocent, playful, fun... I had NO idea that somehow, satan had already been using those kids in Sabbath School, and later in my regular day-school (also SDA, and same kids), against each other to hurt each other and cause each other to think it was ok to hurt anyone they felt like. Over the next 5 years or so, I learned the truth about that. And the little girl hid in a distant corner, in the shadows, out of view, even of my own discerning eyes which are more accustomed to darkness than to light.

The girl that I was, that fun, happy-go-lucky Diva, that cutie staring back at me in the mirror that one day, DID NOT deserve to go through all that she did. In all honesty, I kind of think that no one deserved that when they first started out in life, and that includes people who've hurt me, which are many. I don't care about the theology of this at all right now. I'm looking at that kid, and honestly, I can't judge her and say "you were born wicked, you evil little hellion, so just go and die for all of eternity, you "B"! Oh, and PS, there's a Man who did die 2,000 years ago to save your sorry little butt, so now you have to go apologise to Him for everything you do wrong, and by the way, if you make any mistakes, in this lifetime, you're going to feel His Wrath and He's going to punish you..." Blah blah. I can't do it. I don't have the heart to make her cry like that, and in all honesty, I don't believe that's the way everything works anyway. I don't believe kids are inherantly bad little devils who need their butts whipped into gear. I don't believe they should be lied to, being told they did right when they did wrong! Or just having all the natural (real, not enforced) consequences of their actions held away from them so that they never learn the difference between good and not so good choices for their own lives! I just don't believe God should be used as leverage against my Precious Diva. She's too Cute for that ;D

Anyway, so yes, I think that I, and everyone else on this planet, was born inherantly either neither good nor bad, or else good. In truth, I'm leaning towards the good side. Why? Because all my Darling Diva wanted to do was go outside and play, make friends, and have fun. She never wanted to hurt anyone. I NEVER wanted to hurt anyone. I still don't. Yeah, I've played on this memory of who I was almost as if she were real, but I guess, in a way, I kind of have to do that right now. I HAVE to remember who I REALLY AM! I have to remember the Star within me! I have to KNOW that I don't deserve all the negative messages I seem to get from so many people, from so many angles in life. The truth is, no one will ever be happy with me. Notice how I phrased that. I didn't say "I'll never please everyone." I didn't put the emphasis on me, but rather on others who choose to be unhappy with me! And there ARE plenty of those, both past and present.

I'm done WORRYING about my worth/value. I'm done looking for it in others. (Heh - that's the general plan ;p). That doesn't mean that I don't care what people think at all - it just means that when someone says something to me that sounds like they don't like me, or don't like something about me, I'm going to remember who I really AM inside, for real, and that what others say about me or what they feel toward me or think of me may not necessarily be the real truth about me, even if they know me really well.

This actually frees people up to be honest with me, to tell me what they think of me. It's ok to do that now, because I KNOW who I really am inside and that I'm INCREDIBLY valuable, to myself, and to the God of the Universe who Made me, Loves me, Claimed me as His own, and offered me everything - more than half the Kingdom - His very own Life!

Now, my real challange is to see the Diva in everyone else, and value that spirit within everyone, respect it, and treat it right. Ok, another name for the Spirit God gave her is Jesus, but most people (including me) see Him as a man, so heh, I gave that little kid a girl's name ;D No, no, I'm not claiming to be Jesus! But there was some of Him born into me, and I suspect, born into all of us. That's what I'm talking about here.

Yes, II

Well, last night, I did it again! I actually slept through the whole night peacefully. I awoke bright and early at 6ish AM. I'll let my camera do the talking (had the same breakfast as before, so I didn't take a pic of that)...



Good morning, Delly!

Where I'm Going

Most of the things I've been through this week have forced me to ask myself "Where have I been and where am I going?" "What do I want out of life?" So, without further adu, here's where I'm going:

I'm going to have a job, own my car, at least one cat, and live in my own place.
I'm going to Winco, Safeway, and Fred Meyers.
I'm going to Multi-berry bagals.
I'm going to a kitchen, a dining room, and a veranda.
I'm going to Poetry, Art, and Listening to (not playing) music.
I'm going to a real lawn, all of my very own and I'm going to hire someone else to mow it.
I'm going to marry the man of my dreams, and I'm going to believe they are real.
I'm going to have kids, either my own or adopted.
I'm going to own at least three sucessful businesses.
I'm going to have that MAC Leslie suggested to me
I'm going to fat free, low carb, high protein, and still very yummy fudge-brownies!
I'm going on walks, jogs, and drives.
I'm going to spend much time alone with God, yet spend the rest of that time unalone with Him.
I'm going to keep a clean room/house.
I'm going to loose weight, try clothing/hair styles I never before dared, and look back at today and say "I was in growth."
I'm going to KNOW that I'm Loved Supremely, in my own right, above all other women - and yet be a servant of the Most High God by serving the other women in my community.
I'm going to be a shelter, a provider, a shoulder to cry on and I'm going to be strong in my own weaknesses.
I'm going to smile and actually mean it.
I'm going to cry at sad movies and at weddings, but not out of jealousy.
I'm going to keep up my friendships with everyone and have happy memories.
I'm going to learn Spanish, Hebrew, Greek, and finally, English :p
I'm going to be "well read," perform in plays, and sing at least one solo (after MANY lessons) for an adoring audiance ;)
I'm going to always have a reason to keep trying and to succeed.
I'm going to finish all my web work, close up my computer for good, and relearn how to dial a phone, haha!
I'm going to remember the little, sweet, happy, innocent girl inside - the one I still am, deep down...



I'm going to my future.

10 Pet Peaves

I've come to realize that I am, indeed "too sensative" in a world where a lot of people like to hand out "tough cookies." If a person wants to tick me off, here are some good ways to do it:

1. Tell me about a great party or fun event you threw, or are going to have, and then just don't to invite me, even though we are really good friends. I don't care what your excuse would have been for not wanting to go if you were me: I would have wanted to go anyway. Why? Because you were there.
   
2. Keep me up all night when it's not necessary. Or, not keep me up all night when it was necessary.
3. Interupt me and then get mad at me for supposedly interupting you. Jump to conclusions about what I'm saying. Assume that you know what I mean all the time. Assume that you know what my intentions are, and of course, that they're inherantly of the "evil" or "wrong" variety.
   
4. Compare me to yourself and then assume that any difference between us means that I'm automatically in the wrong.
5. Know about some great opportunity, something you know I need and would benefit from, and just not tell me about it.
6. Flaunt your good fortunes in life without remembering that some of us have had crap to deal with in our own lives, including me. Not count your blessings. Take the good things in life for granted. Whatever.
7. Assume that you know what I want without asking me first. Assume that you know what's best for me. Try to tell me what to put on my plate, what clothes to wear, how to do my hair, what job I should have, what school I should go to, what church I should belong to (I'm now non-Sectarian), what political party I should join (again, non-Sectarian, but slightly Democrat, thanks), etc., without my having asked for your opinion first. Assume that you have some right to tell me what to do at all. Here's a clue: you don't, unless I ask you first. Don't ask me if you can tell me what to do - I'll just say no.
   
8. Outright critisise me when it's unconstructive or it's just not a life/death thing. Or, better yet, come to me with constructive critisism, yet have NO idea at all what I should do about the problem you think I have.
   
9. Hate my Husband. I've somewhat grown a thick skin regarding this, because of the world we live in, but it's not like I don't notice when someone hates Him.
10. Hate me and then EXPECT me to Love you. Again, I'm learning to grow a thick skin about this one, but seriousely, it's not like I DON'T notice stuff like that.

Am I too sensative? Or are people who harp on my pet peaves just really too insensative? I don't know. In all honesty, I don't think it's wrong of me to have these as pet peaves. I suppose I do still need God to work more on my willingness to use any of the above as reasons not to like someone or want to be around them.

YYYY EEEEE SSSSSSSSSSS !!!!!!

Haha! FINALLY!!! I slept through the WHOLE NIGHT peacefully! I actually went to bed while it was dark and awoke while it was light! Yeah, it's 5:30 AM right now, but hey, who cares, right? I SSSSLLLLEEEEEPPPPPPTTTTTTT, and ya'll, I slept GOOOOOOOOD! LOL - to celebrate, I partook in a custom that's rare in my life - I actually ATE BREAKFAST! At breakfast time! Well, close enough anyway :p (It's better than eating breakfast at 4 PM!) So, let's have a look at my lovely reward for actually sleeping through the night:



And then I went for a walk. I finally got my photos from that uploaded to my public gallery.

Wordy Explanation to those I'm inviting to view the private gallery:

While I was walking, I took tons of photos, but one just really stands out as totally awsome, so I PhotoShopped it with all kinds of Filters, and uploaded the results to a Yahoo Private Photo Album. I'm now selling them at CafePress.com for a small commission.

Oh, just a side note: the stick resting on my back is a "big stick" from the stick-fighting lessons Erik has been giving me. I've had 4 lessons, and am really still just working on my basic form. I took the stick with me because I knew that at 5 something AM, no one in the neighborhood would be awake enough to care about it if they saw some crazy woman walking down the street whipping that thing around! It's great fun, and it DOES keep the leashless dogs at bay... They now stay in their yards where they belong :p

If you'd like to be invited

Please send me an email. If you already know me, you already have that :p