On Gaurd - The Battle Within

I spent all afternoon and evening over at Erik's place with him and his friends, including some Mormon visiters, today. Well, really, yesterday. But who's counting? I've not been able to find it within me to go to sleep. Something about God paying my heart a visit, lots of tears, and a cocoa-tofu smoothie. I dunno - my head's a little foggy.

Long story very short, we did stick fighting in a park near Erik's apartment (his roomie's name is Mike). Then a bunch of us (Erik, Mike, Mike, Victor, and me) went to his place and just worked on our PCs for ages. Then the Mormons came and explained to us how they believe that there are two preist-hoods (Melkisedec and Aaronic), and how through these priesthoods in the Bible and then later in Joseph Smith, they are the chosen denomination. These priesthoods are the keys to perminently having the Holy Spirit, according to them. They are passed down from one person to the next through laying on of hands after baptism.

Oh yes, I had "fun" with them, though this time it really wasn't on purpose. Erik was just dying of laughter as I innocently asked them "Where does the Bible say that you have to have hands laid on you in order to have the Holy Spirit?" and "Isn't God able to just give the Holy Spirit to whomever He will?" I DID mention how I have experienced the Holy Spirit myself and no one has laid hands on me (actually, God just reminded me - when I was 17, for "faith healing" purposes, some well meaning SDAs laid hands on me to try curing my IBS. Turns out Citrucel does the trick ;p) I also asked them "If God = Love, and Nothing can separate me from the Love of God, and God = the Holy Spirit, and the Spirit is with me, then doesn't that mean that God is always with me in the form of the Holy Spirit?" This too was somewhat innocent (on my part) but in all honesty, I did sense God speaking through me at that point.

It was what happened after the Mormons left that really was the reason I was there. Again, long story short, I made an "ass" of myself (though no one called me that, yet it's still an inside joke between us) while observing my own fears and defensiveness regarding ever meeting up with those Mormons again (I've had a bad experience in the past). I feared that they would insist that I convert, and I decided to take a defensive posture if they ever did try to force me to convert. This is SO wrong though. Yet it is SO like the women in my family! I am my mother's daughter. I should have not submitted my heart to these people. I should have trusted that my Relationship with God is enough for me - I don't need to defend it to anyone, nor do I need to protect myself from the "attacks" (spiritually or otherwise) from others - rather I need to "guard" my heart by only caring what God thinks of me and not what anyone else does.

I'll just list out here some words of wisdom from God through Erik. Whenever I'm attacked, I need to do the following:

1. Don't give my heart to ________________. It belongs to God alone.

And say the following and wait for a response after each question:

1. Why did you say/do that?
2. Did you want to hurt me?
3. Why did you want to hurt me?
4. I choose not to be hurt by you.

Another good question is "Why did you lie to me?" and "Why are you afraid of me?"

Anywho, once I'm alone with God and can really talk things out with Him, I should do the following:

1. Ask God if He has a problem with me the way that person does. Is there something He wants me to learn?

Good stuff. Good times. Good memories.

:D